Bittersweet

Love. 4 letters. Simple. Complex. Rare... Love has so many elements and levels that it's hard to describe in a general sense. If only we could all skip the infatuation stage and dive head first into this thing called love, wouldn't that be fantastical? At times I've had that wish but then I would have missed out on all those crushes and puppy love moments. That young love when you thought you and that special someone were the modern day Romeo and Juliet. I wouldn't have had those late night calls on a school night when we had a "ring once then hang up, count to 3 and then call me back so the phone doesn't ring" moments. As I look back on my past relationships or "situation-ships" I can see why it didn't work out or how I dodged a bullet according to Beyonce but I don't regret those moments. I'm just glad that I was able to grow from them and still see the positive impact that they had on my life. 

Bittersweet. If I had to sum up the meaning of love in one word it would be bittersweet for me. From the first feeling of anxiety and warmth to the feelings of fear and loneliness. Old boyfriends that I look back at now and wonder "really Tori?" My all time favorite movie is, of course, Love and Basketball and everyday after school during 7th and 8th grade I would come home and pop in my VHS copy (it was my sister's) and I would compare and wish for a relationship like Monica and Q's. Now mind you I have no coordination what so ever to play basketball, I played volleyball for 6 years so naturally I had to modify my love story but never the less THAT was my ideal love story. I would compare my puppy love to every situation in that movie and thought that my relationship would play out just like theirs. Thank God for growth and maturity!

Looking back makes me smile, even after all the heartbreak and pain because as cliche as it sounds, those experiences made me the person I am now. Clarity and peace blossomed while immaturity and naiveness faded to black. I wish I could have a talk with the younger me and let her know it's alright to hurt and it's ok to be afraid because it's only temporary and greater things are to come. Reflection is a powerful process that can bring about clarification. Taking off those rose colored glasses and seeing all the beauty that was brought about by hurt and confusion.

I'll never describe love as perfect...