Bittersweet

Love. 4 letters. Simple. Complex. Rare... Love has so many elements and levels that it's hard to describe in a general sense. If only we could all skip the infatuation stage and dive head first into this thing called love, wouldn't that be fantastical? At times I've had that wish but then I would have missed out on all those crushes and puppy love moments. That young love when you thought you and that special someone were the modern day Romeo and Juliet. I wouldn't have had those late night calls on a school night when we had a "ring once then hang up, count to 3 and then call me back so the phone doesn't ring" moments. As I look back on my past relationships or "situation-ships" I can see why it didn't work out or how I dodged a bullet according to Beyonce but I don't regret those moments. I'm just glad that I was able to grow from them and still see the positive impact that they had on my life. 

Bittersweet. If I had to sum up the meaning of love in one word it would be bittersweet for me. From the first feeling of anxiety and warmth to the feelings of fear and loneliness. Old boyfriends that I look back at now and wonder "really Tori?" My all time favorite movie is, of course, Love and Basketball and everyday after school during 7th and 8th grade I would come home and pop in my VHS copy (it was my sister's) and I would compare and wish for a relationship like Monica and Q's. Now mind you I have no coordination what so ever to play basketball, I played volleyball for 6 years so naturally I had to modify my love story but never the less THAT was my ideal love story. I would compare my puppy love to every situation in that movie and thought that my relationship would play out just like theirs. Thank God for growth and maturity!

Looking back makes me smile, even after all the heartbreak and pain because as cliche as it sounds, those experiences made me the person I am now. Clarity and peace blossomed while immaturity and naiveness faded to black. I wish I could have a talk with the younger me and let her know it's alright to hurt and it's ok to be afraid because it's only temporary and greater things are to come. Reflection is a powerful process that can bring about clarification. Taking off those rose colored glasses and seeing all the beauty that was brought about by hurt and confusion.

I'll never describe love as perfect...

To-Do List

What's your 5 year plan? 10 year? What was it 5 years ago and are you on track? Sometimes we get too caught up in where we SHOULD be that we don't recognize the blessings in disguise. We often give ourselves unrealistic goals and if we don't accomplish them we feel like failures when the true task was just living! Enjoy your today as if it were your last. Not to say that setting goals and having long term aspirations is wrong because sometimes it's those goals that give us a more defined meaning and purpose, but I don't feel that those goals should shadow over our everyday lives and becoming a haunting of "to-do(s)." It's also fair to say that those plans you had 10 years ago could use some change.

I'm a firm believer that God's timing is PERFECT timing and no matter how far off course we may feel we are, ultimately we are actually right where we are supposed to be. So instead of beating yourself up over not having the house you set out to buy by the time you X age or the marriage and family you "designed" when you were far too young to truly understand all of the work that actually went into having one, I propose that we see those not as unaccomplished goals but rather just a detour. We should give ourselves time to enjoy the delay because in that moment you may have an epiphany that leads to greater things. Don't focus some much on the details of the story that you forget the big picture.

Time is free yet priceless...

Waiting for Inspiration

Procrastination. It's what causes you to wait until the last minute or for some, it's what we feel gives us that extra "push" while the clock is winding down. Now don't get me wrong, procrastination isn't ALWAYS bad but too often I feel I use it as a crutch. I always want to have that "light breaking through the dark clouds" moment but I realized waiting on that moment could mean waiting a lifetime and missing the sites along the journey. 

So, I procrastinated about starting a blog for a while because I wanted to wait until I felt inspired to write something and then I realized "why wait?" Now I must admit that my thoughts are random and short lived most times but I know if I wait to be inspired it may take a while cause my inspiration is funny like that at times. My posts may never have any significance to the world or even make sense, like "why are exit signs red if red means stop?" Who knows? Randomness is exciting and intriguing to me! 

Consider this the introduction. My thoughts are ordinary in a lot of ways but they just don't quite have the perfect timing...